Rites of Passage

Rocks are Now the Mortal Enemy of Sina and Myself

My Wise and Noble Elder Stargazers,

Just wait until you gaze upon the whole of this next letter. Okay, so we got confronted by those Wendigo, right? The main one is all saying he’s going to get vengeance on us and all that, and the rest of us are arguing back about how completely unfair he’s being and how he’s racist against Metises. He’s trying to egg us on to attack him, but then suddenly, something showed up behind him. I thought it was a Wyrm-Human before, but found out later it was really a vampire!

So our pack all kinda looks at each other and does this group nod in agreement that we’re going to save the asshole (pardon my language great elders!). We fight against the vampires pretty okay, and I even was starting to feel comfortable enough as a werewolf now to try out some of the Kailindo techniques I’d learned before. But one of them starts overtaking one of the Wendigo with like a million others of himself. Cana is trying to stop them, and then Sina and I run over to help too.

As we bit and clawed at the main vampire, he seemed very hard and rocky, like he was made of granite. We kept working at ’im, and the other two vampires were taken out and we realized the million clones were really illusions and stuff, but then suddenly Sina and I realized we had been attacking a big rock the whole time. When this happened, both of us stared at the rock for a moment, then looked at each other, then back at the rock, and I swear I heard a collective snap in our heads. We lost it… gave into the rage for a moment. I could feel red clouding my mind and vision, and I was afraid, because this was something I had always trained to avoid.

Thinking back on my training and the ideals of our tribe, I managed to calm down just enough to not go attack anything. Suddenly then, Cana came up and kissed me! That was enough to snap me completely out of it, and Calliope snapped Sina out of it in a much less interesting way. I asked Cana if this meant we were girlfriends now, but she said no, so I guess she’s just a player.

With that sorted out, I found out one of the vampires had escaped: He’d put an illusion on the rock and took off while Sina and I attacked it. The Wendigo that had been attacked by the multiple illusions did not end up surviving the fight… thankfully though, the leader decided to leave the bloodshed at that, and instead of killing us, gave us vampire fangs as a token of friendship. I’m glad he likes us now. He even told us about how Toronto is where the vampires came from, and that it’s infested with them. After that, he took his comrades and left us.

We went to sleep in the cave that night, and when we woke up, we were in a giant red room with a bunch of beer cans and books. There was a naked guy sleeping under the cans, and he introduced himself like thirty times and I don’t remember what his real name in, but I think it was something like McFinn. He told us we’d been captured, and as he was starting to explain, we realized we were in a giant bag just as we got dumped out. We landed on a grassy area, and there were these little gremlin things that were kind of adorable but even more annoying.

They said we were gonna be in some kinda hunt, and when they were not answering questions, Valentine got snarky and punted one off a cliff! She was apparently another new person again too. I think she might have some issues to work out. Then, suddenly the other little thing freaked out and buried his face to the ground as a giant humming bird came over. This was turning out to be the coolest friggin’ day ever… until some weird, creepy little man with long silver hair came down from riding the bird. He landed gracefully on a single toe, and it was one singly the most beautiful and the most retarded thing I had ever seen in my life.

I was completely entranced as this guy introduced himself as Prince of the Pines. I just couldn’t believe this wasn’t some elaborate joke or maybe we were in some kind of storybook. I was really waiting for those hidden cameras to end up being real all along at this point. I had so many questions for Sparkles McLegogloss, but he just kind of ignored me and Calliope seemed to get mad when I kept asking. I think she was defending him because he liked her so much and she wanted to make a good impression for her new boyfriend.

Twilight Sparkle wanted us to take part in a weird hunt where we would hunt fay and then they would hunt us. It sounded like some weird kinky thing, but I was kind of down for that. McFinn said we should agree to get it over with, so we did and Hummingbard and his hummingbird led us to the most amazing fantastical place I had ever seen. Everything was so vivid and beautiful and tickled senses I didn’t even know I had. McFinn said we shouldn’t touch or do anything, and we would just need to get through a party thing here before the hunt. Sina, Calliope, and Valentine all ended up getting entranced by the place. I feel like I wanted to also, but I guess I was already so used to living in a fascinating fantastical world that I could ignore the temptation.

So McFinn said Cana and I might be able to get them back if we let our rage overtake us. I didn’t get it at first, and really didn’t want to let my rage out at all, but he said that rage was a part of us and a gift to us from the Wyrm, even though the Wyrm is kind of our enemy too. It was deep and profound and I only understood like ten percent of it, but the ten percent I did understand made sense, something about bringing the Wyrm into this realm to make it normal again. So I thought of Pine Pansy taking on my friends and actually winning. The thought of them getting hurt, and to someone so embarrassing, it made me angry. I thought of them getting defeated by little taps and toe kicks. McFinn and Cana got angry too, and then it seemed to change how everything was.

Fern Gully got mad and said we had rejected his gift or something so wanted us to leave. That was good enough for us, so we all escaped through a portal. He did say Calliope could stay, but she went and dumped that fool. Hey, now we didn’t need to participate in that hunt! And we were back! Back to… back to Canada. Yay…? McMuffin had come with us, and I gave him a pelt since he was still mostly naked. We looked around and realized we could see a town in the distance! We had finally made it to civilization! It would still be a bit of a walk, but McFinn agreed to join us on the way, and off we were!

What will happen next on our fabulous journey? Who knows?! Talk to you in my next entry!

Love,
Cain

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SirKetz

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